Welcome Part-time Steps!!

Welcome Part-time Step Parents!

I am a part-time step-mother of two: a 14 year-old boy and 12 year-old girl. As of May 2010, I will have been a step parent for eight years. Although my perspective is that of a step-MOM, I enthusiastically invite part-time step-dads to share their stories and advice. Let's face it, we need all the help we can get!

I use the "part-time" distiction for several reasons:

1. The step-parent/child relationship is defined by the family dynamic. When children live with a parent and step-parent full-time, rules, routines and relationships can be clearly defined. When children are "visiting" the non-custodial parent and the part-time step parent, things are a little different!

2. Being a part-time step parent usually means having to "deal with" your spouse's ex (or their full-time custodian). This brings about all kinds of potentially unpleasant situations.

3. Many step-parents do not have children of their own. This means that, when the children are with you, you are expected to behave as a parent, but you do not have the luxury of always being the parent you think you would be with your own children. I say this because children are molded by the people around them the most. When your step-children are raised by custodial parents who have very different lifestyles, they will behave differently than if they had been raised by you and their behavior will influence your "parenting style".

I suppose you could use this blog as a form of free therapy, unless you count the amount of time it will cost you:)

I have learned a lot in the last seven years, but as the kids get older, I find myself in new, and sometimes frustrating, territory. Maybe some of you have been here already? If you have, I hope you will share some wisdom with those of us in the midst of the turbulence and those who are still wiping runny noses, but can see the teenage years on the horizon.

With all of the negativity that seems to loom over the image of the step-parent, I would like to share one of my greatest victories thus far in my carreer as a Step-Mom: I have never been told by either child, "You can't tell me what to do!! You're not my mom!!!"

I think that is a good way to end my first post. Please share any thoughts, stories, advice, warnings, or anything else you can think of that might encourage the rest of us!

Thanks and God Bless!