One thing I've learned in my stepmom journey is that being involved with other people's children is a great way to determine how you would raise your own. Since I haven't got any of my own at this time, I can only say how I think I would handle certain things. For instance, I don't think I would spend the money for my adolescent child to have a cell phone or an ipod. Ok, so maybe I would concede to some sort of mp3 player (after all, I had a walkman back in the day), but it would likely be an inexpensive one and my child would have to work to earn money for itunes downloads.
As much as I would like to go on a rant about why kids shouldn't have cell phones, I won't. I'll save that for another blog. I will say, however, that it is bothersome to be with my stepdaughter who isn't really with us because she is absorbed by the multiple conversations going on via text messaging. In my opinion, that's just rude. But I didn't buy her the phone and I'm not her mother, so I'm somewhat limited in my jurisdiction over such matters.
Another thing about texting is the language shortcuts. I've been known to use abbreviations and questionable grammer in order to save character space, but I always try to make sure the message is clear. Not everyone does that. Communicating with stepkids and their "real mom" can be tricky enough, but it gets even worse when you receive an unclear text. Also, texting only provides words, so you lose bits of the message that would normally be transmitted via tone of voice and body language.
But for all of the downfalls, it occurs to me that there are some redeeming factors favoring technology. When my stepdaughter is consumed by her cell phone or plugged into her ipod, we are less likely to converse. Normally, I would say that that's a bad thing, but these days, our conversations don't seem very pleasant or productive.
Being a teenager is tough enough, but struggling with all of the difficulties of steprelationships must make her life much more complicated than I could ever understand. Every conversation is laden with meaning and emotions that neither of us quite knows how to adequately express. I confess that not conversing seems better than inadvertently starting a futile argument.
As for the unclear text messages, I suppose I'd rather muddle through that than to have to actually speak to "the ex" everytime we must communicate regarding the kids. Texting makes one conserve words and ironically, the fact that her texts can not be clarified by tone of voice or body language is the very thing that makes texting the better choice. Given the very nature of the stepmom/ex relationship, communication is often strained and civil at best. Having to hear her voice often invites missinterpretation and unintended meaning to an otherwise mundane exchange.
I guess the bottom line is that there is something good in just about everything if you look at it in the right light. Step relationships are tough no matter what the sitcoms try to sell us. It's good to hope for the best, but it's more realistic to simply try to avoid the worst when it comes to navigating such rough seas. Be careful out there!
Showing posts with label cell phones. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cell phones. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Weekend Visits: Unplugged
Ok, so it's March already! February just seemed to fly by, but I did manage to get in at least one post last month. But that was the past and I plan to be a little more diligent this month:)
Well, today just happens to be my step-daughter's 13th birthday, which I realize is a HUGE milestone. I know that it is a big deal to kids when they finally become teenagers, but let's face it, from the time a kid leaves elementary school until he turns 16, there really is no big difference anymore. Once "the driving era" begins, parents and teens alike definitely enter a whole new ballgame!
Before that, there seems to be just this gray area where kids want all the privileges of teenhood, but without all of the responsibility. And then on the other hand, they want all of the affection and safety of childhood, but without being "treated like a baby". Definitely an interesting time to be alive!
I just have to share something with all of you (well, at least I hope I have more than one reader out there!): The last couple of weekends with the kids have been very interesting. We have made a significant--and perhaps miraculous--discovery: Teenagers can, in fact, survive WITHOUT cell phones, ipods, video games, and computers for more than 24 hours!! Do you believe it? I do! I've seen it with my own eyes!! They didn't melt, deflate, or explode when they were told that they would have to "hand 'em over".
The first weekend they had to do without was punishment for certain specific offenses. But last weekend, we told them this would be a regular thing until we started to see some improvement in their attitudes and their willingness to accept responsibility. At the end of the weekend, my husband asked them if they thought the "punishment" was fair. To our suprise, they both said that it was.
My step-daughter actually said that it was good for her to "take a break" from the texting sometimes.
On Saturday, while we were waiting for my husband to come home, the kids and I spent quite a bit of time in the kitchen preparing our meals together and my step-daughter made the most delicious bread I've had in quite a while! Friday night, we talked and had sort of a "group therapy" experience that shed some light on a few unpleasant issues that otherwise would have remained unchecked.
The whole weekend was a stark contrast from weekends past when both of the kids couldn't go to the bathroom or get a glass of water without a cell phone or i-pod in hand. They both finally learned that when they are engaged in texting, it's like they are having conversations with other people and are, in fact, ignoring the people they are with. I know that might seem obvious to you and me, but I promise you, it was a revalation to my step-daughter!
Anyway, my point is this: Parents--step or not--have no right to complain about their children spending too much time using techno-gadgets that make them oblivious to the world around them. It's your house and your rules...and YOUR responsibility to enforce the rules. The grown-ups may giveth, but the grown-ups can taketh away anytime they choose. Think about it...how much quality time are you missing?
Well, today just happens to be my step-daughter's 13th birthday, which I realize is a HUGE milestone. I know that it is a big deal to kids when they finally become teenagers, but let's face it, from the time a kid leaves elementary school until he turns 16, there really is no big difference anymore. Once "the driving era" begins, parents and teens alike definitely enter a whole new ballgame!
Before that, there seems to be just this gray area where kids want all the privileges of teenhood, but without all of the responsibility. And then on the other hand, they want all of the affection and safety of childhood, but without being "treated like a baby". Definitely an interesting time to be alive!
I just have to share something with all of you (well, at least I hope I have more than one reader out there!): The last couple of weekends with the kids have been very interesting. We have made a significant--and perhaps miraculous--discovery: Teenagers can, in fact, survive WITHOUT cell phones, ipods, video games, and computers for more than 24 hours!! Do you believe it? I do! I've seen it with my own eyes!! They didn't melt, deflate, or explode when they were told that they would have to "hand 'em over".
The first weekend they had to do without was punishment for certain specific offenses. But last weekend, we told them this would be a regular thing until we started to see some improvement in their attitudes and their willingness to accept responsibility. At the end of the weekend, my husband asked them if they thought the "punishment" was fair. To our suprise, they both said that it was.
My step-daughter actually said that it was good for her to "take a break" from the texting sometimes.
On Saturday, while we were waiting for my husband to come home, the kids and I spent quite a bit of time in the kitchen preparing our meals together and my step-daughter made the most delicious bread I've had in quite a while! Friday night, we talked and had sort of a "group therapy" experience that shed some light on a few unpleasant issues that otherwise would have remained unchecked.
The whole weekend was a stark contrast from weekends past when both of the kids couldn't go to the bathroom or get a glass of water without a cell phone or i-pod in hand. They both finally learned that when they are engaged in texting, it's like they are having conversations with other people and are, in fact, ignoring the people they are with. I know that might seem obvious to you and me, but I promise you, it was a revalation to my step-daughter!
Anyway, my point is this: Parents--step or not--have no right to complain about their children spending too much time using techno-gadgets that make them oblivious to the world around them. It's your house and your rules...and YOUR responsibility to enforce the rules. The grown-ups may giveth, but the grown-ups can taketh away anytime they choose. Think about it...how much quality time are you missing?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)