One thing I've learned in my stepmom journey is that being involved with other people's children is a great way to determine how you would raise your own. Since I haven't got any of my own at this time, I can only say how I think I would handle certain things. For instance, I don't think I would spend the money for my adolescent child to have a cell phone or an ipod. Ok, so maybe I would concede to some sort of mp3 player (after all, I had a walkman back in the day), but it would likely be an inexpensive one and my child would have to work to earn money for itunes downloads.
As much as I would like to go on a rant about why kids shouldn't have cell phones, I won't. I'll save that for another blog. I will say, however, that it is bothersome to be with my stepdaughter who isn't really with us because she is absorbed by the multiple conversations going on via text messaging. In my opinion, that's just rude. But I didn't buy her the phone and I'm not her mother, so I'm somewhat limited in my jurisdiction over such matters.
Another thing about texting is the language shortcuts. I've been known to use abbreviations and questionable grammer in order to save character space, but I always try to make sure the message is clear. Not everyone does that. Communicating with stepkids and their "real mom" can be tricky enough, but it gets even worse when you receive an unclear text. Also, texting only provides words, so you lose bits of the message that would normally be transmitted via tone of voice and body language.
But for all of the downfalls, it occurs to me that there are some redeeming factors favoring technology. When my stepdaughter is consumed by her cell phone or plugged into her ipod, we are less likely to converse. Normally, I would say that that's a bad thing, but these days, our conversations don't seem very pleasant or productive.
Being a teenager is tough enough, but struggling with all of the difficulties of steprelationships must make her life much more complicated than I could ever understand. Every conversation is laden with meaning and emotions that neither of us quite knows how to adequately express. I confess that not conversing seems better than inadvertently starting a futile argument.
As for the unclear text messages, I suppose I'd rather muddle through that than to have to actually speak to "the ex" everytime we must communicate regarding the kids. Texting makes one conserve words and ironically, the fact that her texts can not be clarified by tone of voice or body language is the very thing that makes texting the better choice. Given the very nature of the stepmom/ex relationship, communication is often strained and civil at best. Having to hear her voice often invites missinterpretation and unintended meaning to an otherwise mundane exchange.
I guess the bottom line is that there is something good in just about everything if you look at it in the right light. Step relationships are tough no matter what the sitcoms try to sell us. It's good to hope for the best, but it's more realistic to simply try to avoid the worst when it comes to navigating such rough seas. Be careful out there!
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