As stepparents, it is important for us to consider how our words and actions will affect the other members of our family. Sometimes the things we say and do can be misinterpreted simply because of our peculiar role. I hope that none of you are intentionally stirring up messes with your stepkids and/or their natural parents, but I do understand if you inadvertently cause trouble from time to time.
We should be extra careful when it comes to the ex. Depending on your situation, you may need to remind yourself often that ex-spouses are people too. They have feelings and rights just like everyone else, and although you may not be able to control the thoughts that pop into your head, you can make an effort to control what comes out of your mouth.
There may be moments with the kids when you are tempted to make comments or reveal facts about your spouse's ex. Maybe you just want to set the record straight or present "the other side of the story", but be aware that you are treading on a potential minefield. Stop and think about how that might come back to haunt you.
Even when you make a joke or agree with something the kids have said, you may find out--after the fact--that such things are deemed inappropriate coming from you. Let's face it, the rules are different for us. Natural parents can get away with things we dare not attempt.
I recall a time when I gave my stepdaughter a friendly pat on the leg. She immediately recoiled and (joking, but not really) said, "OWW! Don't hit me!" When her daddy did the same thing, she giggled and hugged him.
We may not get everything right all the time, but who does? All I'm saying is that we stepparents need to err on the side of caution. Hopefully, thinking before you say or do will help you avoid unnecessary drama.
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