I spend a great deal of time thinking about various issues involving the kids. It might be something I wish I hadn't said or done, or maybe something I wish they hadn't said or done. It might be making plans for our next visit, or wondering if they had a good time during the last visit.
My husband has said that I have an obsession. It's easy to let your mind just go, but at some point, you catch yourself dwelling too long on things over which you have no control. Since no good can come from that, I've learned to ask myself, "What can you do about it?" Most of the time, the answer is, "Nothing" or, "It's really none of my business."
I think the key is to interrupt the mental boondoggle and put things into perspective. When we take the kids back to their mother on Sunday night, I have two whole weeks before I really have to focus on them again. Why should I spend the majority of that time pondering all of the what-ifs and maybes that I'll probably forget about anyway by the time I pick them up again?
The phrase that sums it up best is, "I'll cross that bridge when I come to it." As much as I care about the kids, I've got plenty of other things to think about in the meantime.
Showing posts with label perspective. Show all posts
Showing posts with label perspective. Show all posts
Friday, July 8, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Time Flies!
Hello again to whoever may be out there reading this...
I know it's been a while since my last post. No excuses, just didn't keep up with it, but I was reminded of this while joining another online group.
So my step-son is now 15 and finishing his freshman year in high school. My step-daughter is 14, recently got her braces off, and will be glad to be a freshman next year.
It's so hard to believe that they were only 4 & 5 years old when I met their father. A year later, we became a "blended family". Just last week, it occurred to me that, from their perspective, I may be simply "Dad's wife" or their on-call taxi service (when no one else is available). Sometimes, they probably think of me more as "that lady who lectures us every time we go to Dad's house." On the flip-side, the two of them seem to have no idea how important they are to me.
Since I don't have any "biological" children yet, all of my motherly instinct is directed toward them whenever they're with us. And on top of that, I'm somewhat of a teacher at heart. I was never cool in my younger days and I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never be "the life of the party". So it's easy to see why I'm not exactly the kids' favorite person to be around. This seems to be just one more challenge in our relationship.
Being a part-time step-parent means having to deal with children who spend most of their time in an evironment that is very different from your home (or up-bringing, or parenting style). Such is the case with us. It's like we speak a different language and we most certainly have different rules and expectations. Making the transition from "Mom's house" to our house is not easy for any of us.
On the bright side, I've learned not to take things too personally. I have a tendancy to wear my emotions on my proverbial sleeve, so this has been a great improvement. Whenever the kids fail to acknowledge something good about me, or they forget my birthday, or they don't wish me a "happy (step-)mother's day", it still hurts my feelings a bit, but it doesn't dig as deep as it used to.
Another thing I've learned is that I can control how I react to their actions toward me. This is a work in progress, but I'm determined to avoid the victim mentality when they say or do something that really bothers me but may not be a big deal to them.
Am I the only one out there having these issues? It would be nice to know that I'm not alone:)
I know it's been a while since my last post. No excuses, just didn't keep up with it, but I was reminded of this while joining another online group.
So my step-son is now 15 and finishing his freshman year in high school. My step-daughter is 14, recently got her braces off, and will be glad to be a freshman next year.
It's so hard to believe that they were only 4 & 5 years old when I met their father. A year later, we became a "blended family". Just last week, it occurred to me that, from their perspective, I may be simply "Dad's wife" or their on-call taxi service (when no one else is available). Sometimes, they probably think of me more as "that lady who lectures us every time we go to Dad's house." On the flip-side, the two of them seem to have no idea how important they are to me.
Since I don't have any "biological" children yet, all of my motherly instinct is directed toward them whenever they're with us. And on top of that, I'm somewhat of a teacher at heart. I was never cool in my younger days and I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never be "the life of the party". So it's easy to see why I'm not exactly the kids' favorite person to be around. This seems to be just one more challenge in our relationship.
Being a part-time step-parent means having to deal with children who spend most of their time in an evironment that is very different from your home (or up-bringing, or parenting style). Such is the case with us. It's like we speak a different language and we most certainly have different rules and expectations. Making the transition from "Mom's house" to our house is not easy for any of us.
On the bright side, I've learned not to take things too personally. I have a tendancy to wear my emotions on my proverbial sleeve, so this has been a great improvement. Whenever the kids fail to acknowledge something good about me, or they forget my birthday, or they don't wish me a "happy (step-)mother's day", it still hurts my feelings a bit, but it doesn't dig as deep as it used to.
Another thing I've learned is that I can control how I react to their actions toward me. This is a work in progress, but I'm determined to avoid the victim mentality when they say or do something that really bothers me but may not be a big deal to them.
Am I the only one out there having these issues? It would be nice to know that I'm not alone:)
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