With one day left to go in March, I am managing to squeeze in one more post!
I think it is important to avoid making comparisons between yourself and the kids' "real" mom or dad. I don't know if men have this problem, but I know that we women tend to compare ourselves with other women we encounter.
On top of the fact that we often already have unrealistic expectations for ourselves, we seem to believe that we're in some sort of competition for the admiration or respect of the children. It's only human nature to want to be liked and accepted for who we are. But when we feel that we are falling short, it's easy to think we might be "better" if we were more like so-and-so.
Inevitably, the kids will compare Step-mom with Mom. They'll note the differences and form their own opinions about both. Unfortunately, if you think they "like Mom better", you're probably right and that will probably always be true no matter what you do. So stop making it a contest. Just be the best YOU you can be and give your best to the kids when their with you.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The Name Game
Yes, I am making up for lost posts!! Two in one day? Deal with it!
Actually, this one is just to save me some typing in the future. It ocurred to me that I should give the "characters" in my life some names, so I don't have to keep using "the ex", "step-daughter", and "step-son". Using the titles seems cold and impersonal to me, but I don't feel right using their actual names either. They do have a right to personal privacy, afterall.
From now on, I will use the following pseudonyms:
Sondra = the ex
Randy = step-son
Nicky = step-daughter
I wonder how many times I'll have to refer to this post until I can remember that!
Actually, this one is just to save me some typing in the future. It ocurred to me that I should give the "characters" in my life some names, so I don't have to keep using "the ex", "step-daughter", and "step-son". Using the titles seems cold and impersonal to me, but I don't feel right using their actual names either. They do have a right to personal privacy, afterall.
From now on, I will use the following pseudonyms:
Sondra = the ex
Randy = step-son
Nicky = step-daughter
I wonder how many times I'll have to refer to this post until I can remember that!
Weekend Visits: Unplugged
Ok, so it's March already! February just seemed to fly by, but I did manage to get in at least one post last month. But that was the past and I plan to be a little more diligent this month:)
Well, today just happens to be my step-daughter's 13th birthday, which I realize is a HUGE milestone. I know that it is a big deal to kids when they finally become teenagers, but let's face it, from the time a kid leaves elementary school until he turns 16, there really is no big difference anymore. Once "the driving era" begins, parents and teens alike definitely enter a whole new ballgame!
Before that, there seems to be just this gray area where kids want all the privileges of teenhood, but without all of the responsibility. And then on the other hand, they want all of the affection and safety of childhood, but without being "treated like a baby". Definitely an interesting time to be alive!
I just have to share something with all of you (well, at least I hope I have more than one reader out there!): The last couple of weekends with the kids have been very interesting. We have made a significant--and perhaps miraculous--discovery: Teenagers can, in fact, survive WITHOUT cell phones, ipods, video games, and computers for more than 24 hours!! Do you believe it? I do! I've seen it with my own eyes!! They didn't melt, deflate, or explode when they were told that they would have to "hand 'em over".
The first weekend they had to do without was punishment for certain specific offenses. But last weekend, we told them this would be a regular thing until we started to see some improvement in their attitudes and their willingness to accept responsibility. At the end of the weekend, my husband asked them if they thought the "punishment" was fair. To our suprise, they both said that it was.
My step-daughter actually said that it was good for her to "take a break" from the texting sometimes.
On Saturday, while we were waiting for my husband to come home, the kids and I spent quite a bit of time in the kitchen preparing our meals together and my step-daughter made the most delicious bread I've had in quite a while! Friday night, we talked and had sort of a "group therapy" experience that shed some light on a few unpleasant issues that otherwise would have remained unchecked.
The whole weekend was a stark contrast from weekends past when both of the kids couldn't go to the bathroom or get a glass of water without a cell phone or i-pod in hand. They both finally learned that when they are engaged in texting, it's like they are having conversations with other people and are, in fact, ignoring the people they are with. I know that might seem obvious to you and me, but I promise you, it was a revalation to my step-daughter!
Anyway, my point is this: Parents--step or not--have no right to complain about their children spending too much time using techno-gadgets that make them oblivious to the world around them. It's your house and your rules...and YOUR responsibility to enforce the rules. The grown-ups may giveth, but the grown-ups can taketh away anytime they choose. Think about it...how much quality time are you missing?
Well, today just happens to be my step-daughter's 13th birthday, which I realize is a HUGE milestone. I know that it is a big deal to kids when they finally become teenagers, but let's face it, from the time a kid leaves elementary school until he turns 16, there really is no big difference anymore. Once "the driving era" begins, parents and teens alike definitely enter a whole new ballgame!
Before that, there seems to be just this gray area where kids want all the privileges of teenhood, but without all of the responsibility. And then on the other hand, they want all of the affection and safety of childhood, but without being "treated like a baby". Definitely an interesting time to be alive!
I just have to share something with all of you (well, at least I hope I have more than one reader out there!): The last couple of weekends with the kids have been very interesting. We have made a significant--and perhaps miraculous--discovery: Teenagers can, in fact, survive WITHOUT cell phones, ipods, video games, and computers for more than 24 hours!! Do you believe it? I do! I've seen it with my own eyes!! They didn't melt, deflate, or explode when they were told that they would have to "hand 'em over".
The first weekend they had to do without was punishment for certain specific offenses. But last weekend, we told them this would be a regular thing until we started to see some improvement in their attitudes and their willingness to accept responsibility. At the end of the weekend, my husband asked them if they thought the "punishment" was fair. To our suprise, they both said that it was.
My step-daughter actually said that it was good for her to "take a break" from the texting sometimes.
On Saturday, while we were waiting for my husband to come home, the kids and I spent quite a bit of time in the kitchen preparing our meals together and my step-daughter made the most delicious bread I've had in quite a while! Friday night, we talked and had sort of a "group therapy" experience that shed some light on a few unpleasant issues that otherwise would have remained unchecked.
The whole weekend was a stark contrast from weekends past when both of the kids couldn't go to the bathroom or get a glass of water without a cell phone or i-pod in hand. They both finally learned that when they are engaged in texting, it's like they are having conversations with other people and are, in fact, ignoring the people they are with. I know that might seem obvious to you and me, but I promise you, it was a revalation to my step-daughter!
Anyway, my point is this: Parents--step or not--have no right to complain about their children spending too much time using techno-gadgets that make them oblivious to the world around them. It's your house and your rules...and YOUR responsibility to enforce the rules. The grown-ups may giveth, but the grown-ups can taketh away anytime they choose. Think about it...how much quality time are you missing?
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