Getting Help

Being a step-mom can be a really tough gig. Sometimes, it's easy to think that you are the only one going through all of this crap. But that's not true. There are many of us out there fighting the same battles and crying the same tears.

I recently found comfort in a book titled, "Step Motherhood: How to Survive Without Feeling Frustrated, Left Out, or Wicked" by Cherie Burns. The irony here is that it was my step-daughter who found it and pointed it out to me in the bookstore. Go figure!

Anyway, from the get-go, I realized this book was going to be a great source of wisdom and reassurance for me. I had a feeling that hearing the stories of other women in my position would somehow help, but I had no idea just how much. I know now that I must seek out other resources and support groups.

It seems that no matter how wonderful your husband is, and no matter how much your mother (or sister, or best friend, or counselor, or pastor...) cares about you, no one can sympathize with your plight like another step-mom. There are just too many factors in play that somehow combine to create situations that seem to defy the very balance of nature.

Ok, so that might sound a little dramatic, but I'll just bet there are some of you out there who know exactly what I'm talking about.

Anyway, I'm getting help. And if you aren't, I suggest you do so ASAP!! Especially if your step-kids are still a big part of your lives.

Time Flies!

Hello again to whoever may be out there reading this...

I know it's been a while since my last post. No excuses, just didn't keep up with it, but I was reminded of this while joining another online group.

So my step-son is now 15 and finishing his freshman year in high school. My step-daughter is 14, recently got her braces off, and will be glad to be a freshman next year.

It's so hard to believe that they were only 4 & 5 years old when I met their father. A year later, we became a "blended family". Just last week, it occurred to me that, from their perspective, I may be simply "Dad's wife" or their on-call taxi service (when no one else is available). Sometimes, they probably think of me more as "that lady who lectures us every time we go to Dad's house." On the flip-side, the two of them seem to have no idea how important they are to me.

Since I don't have any "biological" children yet, all of my motherly instinct is directed toward them whenever they're with us. And on top of that, I'm somewhat of a teacher at heart. I was never cool in my younger days and I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never be "the life of the party". So it's easy to see why I'm not exactly the kids' favorite person to be around. This seems to be just one more challenge in our relationship.

Being a part-time step-parent means having to deal with children who spend most of their time in an evironment that is very different from your home (or up-bringing, or parenting style). Such is the case with us. It's like we speak a different language and we most certainly have different rules and expectations. Making the transition from "Mom's house" to our house is not easy for any of us.

On the bright side, I've learned not to take things too personally. I have a tendancy to wear my emotions on my proverbial sleeve, so this has been a great improvement. Whenever the kids fail to acknowledge something good about me, or they forget my birthday, or they don't wish me a "happy (step-)mother's day", it still hurts my feelings a bit, but it doesn't dig as deep as it used to.

Another thing I've learned is that I can control how I react to their actions toward me. This is a work in progress, but I'm determined to avoid the victim mentality when they say or do something that really bothers me but may not be a big deal to them.

Am I the only one out there having these issues? It would be nice to know that I'm not alone:)