The More Things Change...

Before we really get into this week's post, let's have a refresher on some commonly used abbreviations:
DH = dear husband
SM = stepmom
SK(s) = stepkid(s)
SD = stepdaughter
SS = stepson
EX = ex-wife (or husband)
BM = birth-mother
RM = real mom
I guess that just about covers it, but I'll make note of any others I may use.
Now let's get on with it...

Here's a scene that may be familiar to some of you:

SM: Wow! You must really like ketchup! I've noticed you put it on just about everything.

SK: Yep! Ketchup's great! Me and my best friend always put it on stuff 'cause it makes everything better.

Before the next visit, SM discovers she and and DH are nearly out of ketchup. She makes a point to get a new bottle for SK. Two weeks later...

SM: Don't you want any ketchup? I put it out on the table for you.

SK: Yuck! I hate ketchup!!

SM: (apprehensively) That's not what you said last time. Are you feeling ok?

SK: Sure, I'm fine. I never really liked ketchup ever.

Granted, there are much bigger issues in the world of stepparenting than ketchup--or any food item for that matter--but to a SM who desperately wants to make her home a pleasant place for her SKs, having the right groceries on hand is a pretty big deal. You try to pay attention and listen for clues letting you know what they like and what they don't, but just when you think you've hit a home run, you hear the call loud and clear; "Foul Ball!"

What happend? Did you get the wrong brand? Did you misunderstand? It was only a week or two when you learned this new thing about your SK, but now the deal has changed. Think back...maybe you overlooked a clue. In the ketchup example, the clue may be "me and my best friend". If you were to do a little digging, you might uncover the fact that SK is no longer best friends with the ketchup loving kid. In fact, the two may have had a big falling out and now SK doesn't want anything to do with things that remind him of his former friend.

Changes in food preferences are just one obstacle you will likely encounter in your quest to please your SKs. You will do well to realize that those changes may have nothing whatsoever to do with you. (Then again, maybe they do...but we'll cover that next week.) Keep in mind that kids of all ages change their minds about so many things from one moment to the next. It's nice that you want to give them their "favorites", but don't be suprised when things change.

Of course you want to be considerate. Be aware of your SKs' allergies and phobias. No one wants any trips to the ER. But don't go out of your way to get that something special. In the long run, it may turn out to be no more than a passing fancy.