A Brand New Chapter

Stepparenting is like everything else in life--an evolution dependent on decisions made and circumstances encountered. My stepparenting journey has brought me to a circumstance I could never have imagined on the day I said "Yes" to my husband's marriage proposal: I am now a soon-to-be-grand-stepmom...or is it step-grandmom? I don't know. And frankly, it doesn't matter. After all, a rose by any other name...

Anyway, our culture often presents grandmotherhood as a very joyous time when a woman gets to spoil her grandchild and revel in the knowledge that her own child has now begun a new chapter and her legacy will live on in future generations. But such warm and fuzzy sentiments are not always the norm in a step-family situation.

Maybe things are different for stepmoms who have children of their own, but how exactly does a woman prepare herself to become a grandmother (of sorts) when she has never been a mother? I speak from experience when I say that nature does not help much in this situation. Think about it like this: We crawl before we walk; we learn our words before we make sentences; and we count before we can multiply. Certain things are supposed to happen in order. But then again, as most of you know, stepparenting has it's own sense of order. As far as I can tell, by definition, a stepmom exists because of some kind of disorder in her husband's previous relationship. Right off the bat, things are not exactly perfect. Don't get me wrong, many blended families make the best out of a bad situation, and I think we've done a pretty good job of that.

But when I got the news that my stepdaughter was pregnant, joy was NOT the predominant emotion. Acutally, I felt like I had been punched in the gut and slapped in the face at the same time! I never meant for this blog to be about my childlessness. I want it to be helpful in some way to other stepparents. But I'm discovering that stepmoms are much like infertile women: We all have different stories. Our challenges may not be the same, but we are bonded by the common knowledge that we have similar problems and similar pains. I just happen to be a childless stepmom.

I'll spare you the dramatic telling of my heartbroken reaction when my husband gave me the news that his 14-year-old daughter was pregnant. Simply put, I was devastated that an unwed minor was going to receive a gift that I--a happily married 37-year-old--had been persuing for over 10 years. And to add insult to injury, this was a girl who was going to be sleeping in my house on a regular basis. Yep! This was uncharted territory.

Lots of emotions and conversations and tears have passed since we got "the news". My stepdaughter and I have a brand new relationship; her brand new baby girl is due to make her entrance in less than a month; and I'm happy to say that I am truly looking forward to meeting her!

I'm still not exactly sure how I will fit into this baby's life, but I do know that I am still my husband's wife. And although my status as a mother remains uncertain, I am still his daughter's stepmom, which means that I am still here if she needs me. I am still here to contribute to her life in whatever positive way I can.

My sympathy and empathy go out to all of you who are going through particularly difficult situations in your stepparenting journey--and especially to all the other childless stepmoms out there. (I know I'm not the only one!) Just keep breathing and praying and remember: With God all things are possible!!